You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
