yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
