He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
