Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
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