I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
