You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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