its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
