He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
