She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
