omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
