I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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