Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
