i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
