Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
