eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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