I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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