hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
