the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
