I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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