I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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