Welp...herpes.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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