Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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