The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
