3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
