Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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