If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
