I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
