Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
