Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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