and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Green mimosas i think yes
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
