How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
