i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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