Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
