its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
