Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
and she was petting her beer can
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
This baby is an asshole
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
