i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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