My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
