If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she peed on how many people?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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