Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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