So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
