Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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