She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
