; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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