Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize