cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
