YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
