My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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