my shit smells like andre
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
