didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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