Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
