headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
