My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
