addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
