An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
