You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
