I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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