oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
