sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
