My brain says no but my pants say off.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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