bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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