Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
