you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
