Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
