I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
