Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
