I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
