I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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