It's like God shit irony all over that family
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
