i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
