I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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