Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
