Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
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