you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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