Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
