You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
