you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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