So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think I won the penis lottery.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
