So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
we should paint friendship bongs
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