Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
