I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Let's paint friendship bongs
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
