Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
