What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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