dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
