When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
