the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
