i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
