I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
