he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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