you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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