with your own penis?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
