Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize