you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
