i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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